I was using a popular music streaming service recently when, after the Frank Zappa album I was listening to ended, it started playing something by a guitarist named Allan Holdsworth. I’m sure the Guitar Freds will scoff at the fact that I was unfamiliar with him, but in any case in perusing his song titles I noticed one was called “Devil Take The Hindmost,” which also happens to be the name for a certain type of elimination race in track cycling:
[I’ve never read this book, maybe you have?]
I figured that was just a coincidence, since the phrase “devil take the hindmost” is in no way limited to cycling, and according to a popular user-edited online encyclopedia has been in use since 1611, when not even the primitive dandy horse was so much as a glint in humanity’s eye:
[What an asshole.]
But then I looked up Allan Holdsworth in that same popular user-edited online encyclopedia, and learned that he was in fact a cyclist. Not only that, but he even had a song called “Tullio,” after none other than Tullio “It Really Should Be Easier To Remove And Replace Wheels” Campagnolo:
Wow, he must have really respected Tullio because he clearly put a lot of work into that. I’d have just taken the Phil Collins song “Sussudio” and replaced “Sus-Sussudio” with “Tu-tu-tullio.”
All of this is a very roundabout way of saying that if you listen to the Allan Holdsworth song “Tullio” while staring deep into the eyes of the man himself you will glimpse the inner workings of the universe and/or enter into a dissociative fugue, depending on whatever you had for breakfast that morning:
Don’t think, let the waves of music crash over you, and surrender to Tullio as he assumes control of the friction shifters of your mind:
So powerful was the effect of this that almost immediately upon doing so myself I was compelled to fuck off for a ride on the Cervino:
Which is of course equipped with a Campagnolo Super Record drivetrain:
This one is from 1982, and Tullio unfastened his mortal skewer in 1983, so this would have been among the last drivetrains produced under his imperturbable gaze–and today of course he’d find Super Record to be completely unrecognizable:
I’m not saying he wouldn’t like it, because who knows, but if the last time he saw a bike was 1983 he’d certainly think he was looking at office supplies. I mean come on, tell me that brake doesn’t look like some kind of label maker:
[Happy what? FOR GOD’S SAKE HAPPY WHAT???!!!???]
I’m also happy to report that since changing the washer the shifters have held their adjustment and are working just as Tullio intended:
When the Cervino arrived I was mildly annoyed that the shifters were so close together, but then I discovered this allowed me to easily shift with just one hand, which I do all the time when riding this bike, and now I absolutely love them.
By the way, the Cervino is made by Viner, and for a bike they produced for someone else they sure found a lot of places to put their own logo on it. I keep finding new “V”s on this thing, and the latest one I discovered is that one holding the shifter mount in place:
See?
Actually the whole situation there kind of looks like a rifle sight:
And now that we’ve got the weekend in our sights I hope you too will pull the trigger and go for a ride. In fact I order you to do it. You will go for a ride… You will go for a ride… You will go for a ride…
Wow, I don’t even know where I am anymore.